panic!atthedisco collage.

Tuesday, June 27, 2006

Done up my blog during my free time, it looks pretty 'handmake' eh?
It looks plain and simple yet classic at the same time.
Not that it's very nice but i'm rather proud of my own work.

Lent my book, "Comes the blind fury" to ahzhu, going to bug her until she tells me whether it's nice. I have no idea when she's gonna finish, just that i hope she understands the content.
HAHA.
I'm not doubting her intelligience, but some chapters inside is really CHIM, even i cannot fully decipher the meaning.
But who cares, the book is nice.
Been wanting to visit the library for ages and nobody is willing to go with me.
None of my laosies family likes going to the library much.
WHYYYYIIIEE?
I love the library so much so much. Especially the adult ficion corner where the books contains some explicit contents. KINDA. Not really explicit lah, just content that is more mature and maybe TOO mature for kids below 16 years of age.
I'm 16, don't tell me i'm not.
It's just that i haven't had my birthday.

Actually logically speaking, i really AM 16.
Hell with those movies with NC16 plastered on it. Do they have no common sense whatsoever? Everybody born in the same year is the same age isn't it? If people insist that you are not counted as 16 like everybody else just because you haven't celebrated your birthday, then why are students born in the same year studying at the same level?

Sec4 students, some are 15, some are 16.
Since they are not of the same age, why put them together studying the same subjects at the same level? Aren't some 'supposedly' to be less mature than the others? Wouldn't it put the less mature ones at a risk or the more mature ones at a disadvantage?
TOTAL CRAP.
I don't see the people who set the NC16 rule thinking about this.
They are so one-sided, and BIAS.
Their rule has cost so many of us pain&torture by making us watch our other 'already16' friends walking into the cinema while we wait outside.

Are we really less mature than those whose birthday is earlier than us?
I don't think so you know. Some people like HER, even though she is already16, she still behaves like so naive-ly, and still think that she is so PRETTTTTTY.
EEW. I feel like puking when i think of her.

Even now they forbid people under16 to watch NC16 movies, we can still find ways to watch it.
Getting into the cinema is no biggie really. A fake id is so easy to make nowadays, plus we can always lie. WE ARE NOT STUPID. Our mind is very flexible when it comes to getting what we want.
If the first method doesn't work, well there's always another alternative:
MALAYSIA.
We always ask people who go for vacations in Malaysia to buy back pirated movies that we weren't able to watch here. I've asked LIMIN to buy for me brokeback mountain but it was spoilt lah. That's the disadvantage lor, you never know if the disc you bought is good or bad.
But i think the little things like this are worth it. At least you get to watch the show.

And if the second method doesn't work, we can ask our parents or relatives to help.
If they don't want to help, there's people like big brothers or sisters who can help.
So far, i haven't met any bros/sis who are unwiling to let us watch that kind of shows.
HAHA.

The teenagers of today.
SO NAUGHTY AR.

I did my homework late last night cause i was writing this long long piece of letter to HIM, but i'm not giving lah. I'm just writing down, blaming him for so many things. It was a right choice, i decided to give up dreaming about him after writing it. Useless.

I wrote a compo about regrets or something and i think it's pretty sad lah.
My vocab and language is not that good though.

Thought you might want to read it.
Here it is.

I watched as the lady in pink adjusted my gown. Pale pink carnations were attached to her little tube dress of the same colour. I looked at the huge brass door in front of me and i wondered, "am i doing to right thing?" But there was no time to ponder. My father held out his hand to me, and i held on tight to it.
It was time.
I stepped into the ballroom with small, dainty steps, my father at my side. All around me were smiling faces, nodding their heads as if giving me approval of what i was doing, or wearing. Turning my head slightly to the right, i could see my relatives sitted at one table grinning. my mother with tears in her eyes and looking at me with pride.I gave my mother a reassuring smile and turned back in front. Down the aisle, i could see Edison, his lopsided smile making him more attractive than ever. I walked towards him, my father let go of my hands and Edison took hold of it.
We stood before the man who would determine our future and my heart was beating wildly. I heard nothing of what the man said until he turned to me and asked, "Are you, Emily Tan, willing to be Edison Fong's wife?" There was nothing that mattered anymore, i took a deep breath and said the two words i've been wanting to say my entire life.
"I do."

***

Yet i regretted saying those two words just two months into our marriage. I knew before were married that Edison was not the type who will quietly settle down after marriage, but the words and promises he said to me was enough to make me believe he really loved me. His parents forbidded him to marry me as they thought i was not good enough for him yet Edison insisted. His family then disowned him. We went ahead with our marriage and we were happy. But Edison did not have a job and i was the only one supporting the two of us. He promised me he would get a job as fast as possible and i believed him.
Then Eloise came. I found out i was pregnant after one and a half weeks after our marriage. It was when i discovered Edison still didn't have a job that i start to panic. I reprimanded, begged him to find a job as my income will not be able to support all three of us. He blew up saying that i did not understand his predicament and asked me to abort the baby if it was so hard for me to support us. He then left the house in a fury with me crying myself to sleep that night.
The next morning, i promised myself to have more faith in him, that he will find a job soon. But nothing happened. To add on, he began coming home late and draws up huge bills each month.
I was depressed, the bills were starting to be too much for me to handle plus the stress i faced at work every day seemed to be increasing. I wanted him to be with me, to come home but i couldn't find him. I called him but he wouldn't pick up my calls. I asked his friends but they were of no help as well. Every means was tried to get him to come home early but to no avail.
It was not until i reciever a tip-off from one of my friends that Edison was seen with a woman at a posh restaurant that i began to get suspicious of his late returns. I questioned him about it but ended in a quarrel instead. My friends urged me to check on him and i followed their suggestions reluctantly. Then i caught him red-handed being intimate with a woman. I packed my bags and left the house. He begged me not to leave, saying sweet-nothings that would have softened the old me. Yet i had became stronger and more determined than ever. I stayed with my parents but Edison kept coming to find me. Everytime, he would either promise me something or threaten me. He said he was the father of the child growing inside of me and no matter what i do, he always will be. It was then i decided to tell him that i had aborted the baby. He hurled verbal abuse at me at the beginning then turned to begging when he realised i wasn't going to come back to his side. I nearly relented but i held on the miniscule pieces of determination i had left in me. I sent divorce papers to him which he did not sign until a long period of time had passed by. By then , i had already met Shawn, someone who truly cared for me and Eloise, my daughter.
I have not seen Edison since our last meeting where we signed our deed of seperation. Up to this day, i still regret saying those two words when i had the chance to say reject. And when Eloise asks me where is her father, i can only flash her a smile and tell her that it's not important anymore. This sense of regret will follow me forver.

Yah, i know my way of writing is kinda kiddish and blah.
I do admit my language is not very good but i liked the outline of the story. HAHA.
So sad... That's why we should only marry the one we love, not just because we want to get married.
That's my new resolution.
Not that many people would want to marry me.
HAHA.

I'm off.
So hungry.
I want to eat finish that whole tub of ice-cream i bought last week.
SHIT. I'm going to be so fat.
New excercise regime coming up!

iAMbuttercup.
. ping

for everyone who finds the true meaning of love -
and has the courage to live it.

photos of choircamp'06.
credits: mrandre.

10:11 PM

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